Minnesota Lingerie

This post was written by the husband

This is my wife.  Isn’t she gorgeous?  Since we have moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota and the winter months have come rolling through I get to watch this beauty work her magic day in and day out.  We haven’t turned on the heater in our apartment mind you.  Pretty Penny is too concerned about the quarters she would have to fork out to raise the temperature from a mid-to-high 50 to a low 60.  So instead we are treated with this fine ensemble….

I know looking at the picture is like a train wreck and you are probably wondering what in the world is going on.  Let me break it down for you; bottoms up:

First we have the Thorlo socks.  Every year for Christmas my Uncle Don gets me the warmest socks in the world.  Since being married, they have all gone to Stone Cold Steve Austin here.  Never a night goes by where her frigid size eights aren’t wrapped up in these tweed colored saunas.  They’re perfect for cold toes.  We quickly move from the socks to the baggy blue sweatpants.  With all her trendy fashion expertise you would think she would notice that she tucked the pant into the previously mentioned socks…NOPE!  If you look closely at the right foot you can spot it.  In her Seabiscuit like haste to beat the apartment frost, our lady of the evening pulled the ultimate dork maneuver.  This really speaks for itself.  No more description necessary.

We are going to skip the robe (for now) and go to what is underneath, an orange sweatshirt.  So far we are doing pretty well at representing the rainbow.  The sweatshirt itself wouldn’t be bad except for how it pokes out on the arms under the robe.  Here, we notice that she looks like a colorful kid from Oliver Twist or something.  It’s quite adorable really.  Sadly she is holding a pan, not a pot, so there wont be any porridge.  The pan-in-the-hand takes this picture over the top.  We recently watch Tangled and although my wife is more beautiful than Rapunzel she will be using this pan for quesadillas tonight…not for knocking me out (now that I realize it however, I may have just given her the idea…).  Bri has really found some enjoyment from cooking so its no surprise she is found this way.  And considering I have gained about 100 pounds since marriage, its no surprise I found her in the kitchen either!

Lastly we have the robe!  I know you were all waiting in anticipation to find out how this ever managed to make it over the top of what Bri was already wearing….Here is a little background: when Bri was looking for work she used to walk me to the door on my way to school to kiss me goodbye in the morning; the best way to warm my heart before an early morning brisk walk to the train.  Bri would generally be lacking sufficient clothing for outside neighbors who might be passing by so she would stand behind the door and hold it open for me as she planted that perfect kiss.  As any loving husband would do, I would race to the door and open it before she got there, trying to catch her in the open, freaking her out in the process and getting one of those shrill “Douglas!” yells.  Of course, our apartment hallways are always dead quiet so the chance of a passerby at 9 am is about 1%.  One morning, Bri out smarted me and put this robe on.  In about the five minutes I was with her and she was wearing it I heard multiple times how comfortable it is…hence coming home that night it was no surprise it was over the top of clothes, as shown in the picture above.  Instead of using a robe the “proper” way, Bri converted it into her comfy cozy personal snuggie!  Meaning she wears it all the time and I am just lucky enough to behold its beauty. 

Lastly, she is not wearing makeup…however I have nothing to say about it or I might end up sleeping outside with nothing but a robe…So for my sake I’ll say, “you look gorgeous even without make-up on, honey.”

If ever its too cold and you don’t want to turn the heater on, throw on some uncle Don Thorlos, tuck your pants in your socks, get a colorful sweater and wrap that robe around yourself like it was a rubber band.  Call it Minnesota Lingerie.