Most of you may know, since we announced it on Facebook, but Doug and I are expecting our first little nugget! I thought I would tell the story (not of how it happened... since I'm sure I don't need to explain that part) of my pregnancy up to the half way point. All I ask is that you don't judge, as some might not like the beginning. But I promise, all ends well.
So I was working at the mall doing the security officer gig. At the same time, I was offered a job at a Therapy company and accepted it, so there was a short period of time I was working both jobs. That was exhausting since I was working overnights at the mall walking around and staying up all night, and then working days at the new job. By the time I was almost done at the mall, I noticed my period was late. All those late night laps around the mall were full of nausea and the constant need to snack on crackers. I denied the nagging thoughts that I could possibly be pregnant, especially since I had JUST quit my old job, and was starting a brand new job. Not the best way to start or end employment, so I put off a pregnancy test as long as possible. After about 7 days of no cycle, I stopped at Wal-Mart and got a pregnancy test, came home, and took the test while Doug took a shower and got ready for school. The results came in seconds, and I could not speak. Doug kept asking, "What does it say!? What does it say!?" and I just kept staring at it. Finally, I said, "oh my gosh...... oh my gosh..." Doug, getting a little antsy by this time, wanted to know what was going on so I handed him the test. Yup... I was pregnant.
My initial reaction was disappointment. I didn't want to be pregnant. I wanted to work. I wanted to be pregnant when Doug was out of school and had a job. The timing was all off, and I was not happy. I felt guilty for feeling this way. I was not excited, I was fearful and dreading how much this would change my life at a time when Doug and I needed to be smart about finances and planning. I never thought the first time I found out I was pregnant I would be filled with such anxiety and... well, sadness. This was not a good start. (ok, that is the worst of it, it gets better from here)
So now that I was pregnant, the fun started. I was so tired all the time, I would go to bed around 8 almost every night. I only had a few times where I would actually be hugging the toilet and cursing the baby. The majority of my first trimester consisted of constant nausea where I had to eat everything in sight to curb the feeling of throwing up. I think I ate and drank every form of ginger and that makes me nauseous just thinking about ginger to this day. Gas, acne, back pain, head aches and moodiness were all in the mix, and dealing with that while starting a new job was a bit challenging. I am happy to say I like the job, so that helped a lot, but I still had no emotional connection to this alien inside of me. It didn't seem real, just that I had a constant upset tummy and a growing waist. My first doctor's visit went great, the doctor made me feel very comfortable, and she even did an ultrasound so we could see the baby! I was about 11 weeks pregnant and this is where things changed for me. Once I saw our cutie pie, my heart raced, I couldn't stop smiling, and I was fascinated by this mini human that decided to take over my body. Immediate love is the only way I can describe it. From total disappointment and dread to excitement and an urgency to protect my body from anything harmful as to protect my baby. It was a 180 turn and both Doug and I were happy parents at that point.
Baby at 11 weeks, you can see the tongue sticking out!
The first trimester was rough. My sciatic nerve was pinched for a long time, making walking and bending over extremely painful. I quickly gained weight, faster than I should have. One of the most humiliating things is to have a doctor tell you that you are gaining too much weight. By the time I got into my second trimester, I had gained 14 pounds when I should have only gained 7. Oops. No matter how hard I tried, I just kept gaining weight, even when I would eat extremely healthy and monitor my meal portions. Some days I would think, "I need this weight for the baby" but mostly I think, "I'm gonna look so gross after the baby comes." That thinking is destructive yet I can't help it when I am outgrowing clothes and I look at my lady friends who have had kids and they look like models 2 weeks after giving birth. To help with these thoughts and squash them, Doug and I joined the YMCA. It has been excellent and I should have been working out the entire 1st trimester. It has even helped my sciatic nerve problem.
So last week we went to the doctors office where they did our 20 week ultrasound. Here we found out the sex! I was hoping for a girl. From the moment I realized I was pregnant, I thought I was having a girl. I knew I was having a girl. There was no way I was having anything but a girl. So I went into the ultrasound confident we would be having a daughter. The second the cold gel went on my tummy and the technician put the ultrasound wand down, the baby's bottom showed up on the screen. I gasped and had a huge smile on my face, because I saw a vagina! The technician quickly moved the wand as to look at other parts of the baby first, but the whole time I thought to myself, "Ha! Told you Doug, it's a girl!" Well, after getting to see the baby's spine, face, hands, and toes, she moved to the bum. And there is was, clear as day.... a penis! My baby girl was actually a baby boy! I don't know why I thought I saw something else, but it was clearly a boy, and I was shocked! I was happy our baby is healthy, and had to think of boy names now, since all I had done was think of girl names and all the things you do with daughters. This was a new adventure for us!
Our Baby BOY! Yawning because he is so tired. Just like his mama!
So here we are now, at the midway point, half way done being pregnant. I have gained 20 pounds in 20 weeks, and I have 5 more pounds to gain before I hit my target weight the doctor recommended I gain. I am going to be realistic and say I am going to gain more than the recommended 25 pounds. I struggle with that, but every time I feel a baby kick or move, it makes me so happy. I am in love with this little boy, and I am so excited to meet him. I can't believe we are going to be parents! The thought is exciting and scary at the same time, but I know it will be amazing. We are so lucky and blessed and December 7th can't come soon enough!
